Title: Goat Simulator
Developer: Coffee Stain Studios
Publisher: Coffee Stain Publishing
Released: April 1, 2014
Platforms Available: PC Game, Mac Game, Linux Game, iOS, Android, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox 360, Xbox One, Xbox Series X|S, Nintendo Switch
Platform Reviewed: PlayStation 4
Maturity: Teen
Type of Game: Sandbox, Simulation
Reading Time: 7 minutes
Over Expectations
If your secret dream was to become a goat, you don’t have to dream anymore. With this game, you can turn into one and even embark on the demolition of a smaller city! Right off the bat, I have to say that Goat Simulator is downright absurd, which has its pros and cons. But it is definitely one of the strangest titles on the market. But let’s put ourselves in the hooves of a bad goat. Sometimes I just have to complain. Reviewing some games is quite difficult. In general, everyone has different tastes, and what I find great may well bore others. On the other hand, the generally accepted game doesn’t impress me. Then there are online games that are hard to review because they are constantly evolving and giving them a definitive grade is basically impossible.
Moreover, games can’t be compared to each other – how do you compare Modern Combat and Flappy Bird? And then there’s another category – games that don’t make sense. And how do you review those, please?
What’s the Point?
What is the meaning of life? A question that can’t be answered. What’s the point of this game? It’s hard to say… But yes, let’s say it’s to entertain you for a while. That’s the purpose of many games. A lot of developers try to go about it in a sophisticated way. Goat Simulator doesn’t bother with any gameplay at all. In fact, the game was created as a complete joke. It was just in-house humor where the developers wanted to try out working with a new engine and physics.
Viral Sensation
However, a video of this gameplay joke made its way to YouTube, where it instantly became a hit. Literally, crowds of people demanded that this be made into a real game. Even some journalists joined the call. And so it really happened that Goat Simulator was released for PC and later for consoles. For what a silly and contentless game it is, we can take the generally average 50-60% online rating as a strong exaggeration. Even though there was a standalone game release, the title didn’t get away from having to be labeled as a mere joke. And quite possibly, that was the intention.
Goat Antics
Furthermore, you can also get this joke on iOS or Android, which will only cost you a few euros. But let’s talk about what it’s actually about. You play as a goat… Wow, that’s some seriously groundbreaking computer science, right? Anyway. You’re just a goat in a small town, and you’re trashing everything in the area. Running into people, crashing into cars, climbing on rooftops, or pulling things on your long tongue. And that’s what it’s all about – you’re just a goat and do ridiculous things. It doesn’t even have to be a bad thing. Games might as well be stupid once in a while. As long as we have fun with them. And you’re gonna have some fun here. The tasks you’re trying to complete will keep you playing for a while. It’s not always easy. You must fly 50 meters high, become a goat queen, or stay in the air for 5-10 seconds. These tasks will keep you going for a while. The game can take up a good hour or two, maybe even three. You’ll find it’s possible to derail a train, destroy the local Goathenge, or blow up a petrol station. There are quite a lot of different locations concentrated in a small area. But then what?
Technical Shortcomings
That the game doesn’t make sense? That it doesn’t last very long, because after a while you won’t be able to do anything new? Let’s get past that now. Another frustrating aspect of the game is, of course, its processing. And that’s a disaster. You’ll be stuck on something all the time. Active elements (like the catapult) won’t work properly, and the controls for the goat itself are also atrocious. Hitting a ladder, for example, is quite a difficult task. Not to mention that the goat itself has trouble walking and trips over basically everything. You can throw it off, balance yourself with a button, and watch it crash to the ground. And that’s what the game is all about. You have fun with the stupidity of this game and how the goat falls from heights, how it crashes into cars, how it chases workers. You’re having fun just running around doing stupid things. I’m still trying to understand it now, long after playing it, but I can’t. The writers just approached it in the style of, “What the hack, we don’t give a shit.” And it’s a shame it’s not even a parody because it basically parodies nothing.
End of Goat
You do quests for a while, play with other characters for a while (a penguin, a spider-goat, or maybe a giraffe), and then it just wears off and you can’t let the game go. You won’t have anything to do in it anymore. Plus, it’s hard to control and doesn’t work very well. You might laugh at the absurdities that this goat can do, but after half an hour or an hour you’ll get over it and start thinking that you’ve probably spent a few euros on absolute nonsense. The whole thing is simply so absurd that it is impossible to evaluate it normally. It’s a bad game and the developers know it, which is why they advise you to spend the money on bricks or a real goat. In hindsight, I’m beginning to wonder if the authors aren’t actually mocking the people who buy this game. But today, 10 years after release, if there is a discount, of which there are relatively many during the year I see no reason to go for this (at least for me) roughly 6-hour goat adventure. Why 6 hours in such a silly thing, you say? I get it… I have a grandfatherly answer – a simple platinum trophy. The game’s replay value is limited, as the novelty wears off quickly and there’s not much to do once you’ve completed the tasks. Play something else.
Where to Buy Goat Simulator
Steam (PC, Mac, Linux): Available for $9.99. You can purchase it directly from Steam.
Xbox Store (Xbox 360, Xbox One, Xbox Series X|S): Available for $9.99. Check it out on the Xbox Store.
PlayStation Store : The game is priced at $9.99. You can find it on the PlayStation Store.
Nintendo eShop (Switch): Available for $29.99. Purchase it from the Nintendo eShop.
App Store (iOS): Available for $6.99. Download it from the App Store.
Google Play (Android): Available for $4.99. Download it from Google Play.
Official Page: Visit the official Goat Simulator page for more information.
Subreddit: Join the discussion on the Goat Simulator Subreddit.
